"У мене був викидень": Мама завела Instagram, щоб проблему не замовчували

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22 липня 2017

Джоанна Цукер із Лос Анджелеса працює психологом у Центрі репродуктивного здоров’я більш ніж 10 років, часто стикаючись із випадками травматичного переживання викиднів.

P l e a s u r e Friend A: Did you masturbate during pregnancy? Friend B: Of course! How could I not? Ha! A: Yeah, that's how I felt before my miscarriage, but ever since I've been too scared. B: Of what? A: That having an orgasm could induce a miscarriage in this pregnancy. B: Is that even possible? A: Google says so. The contracting of the uterus during an orgasm might rattle things. B: Wait, is Google the name of your new obgyn? -LAUGHTER- A: No! But, you know, people share stories. It's hard not to read them. B: GOOGLE IS NOT A DOCTOR. Ask your lady parts doc and get back to pleasuring yourself asap! _ #IHadAMiscarriage #masturbation #stillbirth #infantloss #grief #loss #miscarriage #motherhood #1in4 // Photo by @bimberkeck_ found via @her.period.

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Jul 8, 2017 at 8:17am PDT

Джоанна – сама є матір’ю, однак свою другу дитину на 16-му тижні вагітності жінка втратила, йдеться на The Independent.

Спираючись на власний досвід, вона вирішила порушити прийняту у суспільстві традицію замовчування факту втрати дитини.

Для цього психологиня завела профіль "У мене був викидень" в Instagram. Його призначення – стати спільнотою для обміну важливою інформацією та підтримки матерів, які переживають цю травму. 

Охочі також можуть викладати свої історії із хештегом #Ihadamiscarriage (#уменебуввикидень).

"Мій особистий досвід свідчить про те, що пережити викидень – це не соромно. Заглибившись у дослідження цієї проблеми, я помітила, що жінки часто звинувачують саме себе, відчувають провину, – розповіла Джоанна.

Як психолог, я хотіла б довести іншим жінкам, що не має значення, хто вони, яке у них тіло чи як працює організм в цілому. Часто вони самі не винні у тому, що так відбулося".

Щоб підтримати тих, хто пережив викидні, жінка також започаткувала акцію, під час якої роздає жінкам футболки із написом "Мама" на фоні веселки.

Веселку для оздоблення вона обрала тому, що дітей, які народжуються у матерів після викиднів, називають "райдужними".

✨RAINBOW MAMA + BABE TEES ARE IN STOCK✨ _ I'm over the moon to announce our collaboration with the ever-amazing @feministapparel! They've added new diverse tee options featuring our rainbow mama and babe designs. _ RAINBOW MAMA + BABE TEES, TANKS, SWEATSHIRTS, LONG-SLEEVED TEES, + ONESIES ARE AVAILABLE NOW! INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING. _ You spoke, we listened. _ Tons of shapes, sizes, and styles. Gray AND white. Head over to the Feminist Apparel shop (link in profile) and buy to your hearts' content. _ There is no shame in loss. No silence. No stigma. Nope, none. We wear our stories with pride! _ The lovely and amazing @halfietruths is pictured here wearing one of our original rainbow mama tees. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #rainbowmama#rainbowbabe #feministapparel#miscarriage #pregnancyloss #stillbirth#infantloss #pregnancyafterloss #1in4#motherhood // Tees designed by @annerobincallig. 🌈

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on May 24, 2017 at 2:58pm PDT

✨When you marry a rainbow baby✨ _ My mother-in-law's first pregnancy was smooth, much wanted, a girl. Toward the end of her pregnancy, movement lightened. She told her doctor. He assured her that everything was ok. Upon giving birth, they learned that their darling daughter had spina difida. She died within a few days. Bereft, my mother-in-law shuffled through the subsequent weeks in a fog. _ A year to the day of the birth of her daughter, she gave birth to twin boys. I'm married to a rainbow baby. _ I wonder how many people are rainbow babies and don't know it. Pregnancy loss is a quiet epidemic, a circumstance that too many sequester. Since research has given birth order so much weight, I think it would be fascinating to widen the scope to include rainbow babies and the losses that came before. _ This morning my daughter - my rainbow "baby" just shy of 3-and-a-half - came out of her room, excitedly snuggled into bed with us and said, "I'm grateful for my family!" My son promptly kissed her all over, my husband giggled, I simultaneously welled up and grew a huge smile on my face. The bittersweet beauty of rainbows. And their unique place in the family. _ RAINBOW MAMA + BABE TEES ARE AVAILABLE NOW IN WHITE AND GRAY. Link in profile. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #rainbowbaby #miscarriage #marriage #pregnancyloss #babyloss #motherhood #pregnancy #pregnancyafterloss #parentingafterloss #1in4 #infantloss #stillbirth // Photo found via @jasoncampbellstudio. Tees designed by @annerobincallig.

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Jun 1, 2017 at 8:41am PDT

What an honor it is to join the @illustratedimpact community during the month they've dedicated to family. Thank you for including the topic of pregnancy and infant loss: a topic that impacts countless families around the world. _ This evocative illustration by @barbaramaralart accompanied my interview UP today (link in profile). How perfect is this image?! I love. _ Here's a snippet from our interview. _ Is is difficult for you to hear, process and share so many stories that may be very painful and personal? _ It really isn't. It is an honor. In hearing more stories, I am better able to understand even more how very necessary it is that we become comfortable talking about loss and grief in all its forms, in all its complicated emotion. I am blown away by the courage and strength of all the women I come into contact with through my work. _ What has been the most rewarding part of conducting this campaign? _ Truly, there is no succinct answer to this question. Everyday there are rewards as I witness a shift in the cultural dialogue, receive notes from women around the world about their journeys and how this campaign has helped them, and as I watch a new generation of women coming up who will no longer adhere to the silence, but instead will speak their truths with ease as a result of our brave work. _ What was most helpful in processing this loss and healing from it? _ Writing. As a psychologist, I feel like I should probably say that therapy was the most helpful part of my healing process but I really think that I wrote my way back to health. Therapy, no doubt, supported this process and provided a much-needed haven for me to fall apart and to explore the crevices of pain, anxiety, and relational disappointments. But as I wrote about my experiences, I found understanding and with it a community. I couldn't have asked for a more potent salve than that of perfect strangers' vulnerability. Connecting through heartache gave way to hope. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #motherhood #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #infantloss #stillbirth #grief #loss #pregnancyafterloss #rainbowbaby #1in4 #healing

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on May 27, 2017 at 12:24pm PDT

Mother's Day is complicated for those of us who have lost pregnancies/babies. Even when a rainbow baby follows, there are gnawing feelings. Grief lingers. The loss is permanent. There is no filling of the crevice it creates. And when we are nonchalantly asked by well-meaning strangers on Mother's Day (and any other day for that matter), "How many children do you have?" what are we to say? What are we to feel? How can we adequately describe the complexity, the fissure, the transformative nature of loss?! _ A huge heap of gratitude to @huffpost and @pregnantchicken for featuring one of my pregnancy/baby loss cards today - a card that aims to support women on this potentially challenging holiday. _ Anticipation of these Hallmark holidays can sometimes feel even worse than the day itself. Take heart, you've got a robust tribe of women who support you and understand the ache through and through. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #mothersday #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #infantloss #grief #loss #1in4 #motherhood #lossmoms #rainbowbaby // Photo found via @the.pinklemonade. Enamel pin by @littlewomangoods // Pregnancy loss cards are available in my online shop. Link in bio.

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on May 9, 2017 at 4:00pm PDT

Rushing the Pain by @jazzandkate. Stories from around the world (Connecticut). Posted with permission. _ "Deciding not to have another baby was the only way I could garner some control over all that happened to me over the past year. Two baby boys that I'd never meet. Two baby brothers that my daughter would never have. There are worse things than having an only child, I told myself. It's time to be grateful for what you have and move on. _ Six weeks after my second loss, I was steadfast to get all things baby out of my house. I packed boxes, organizing everything immaculately as I went. I considered selling but the process seemed too time consuming. I needed it it if my house as quickly as possible. Thousands of dollars of inventory, gone. It felt therapeutic in the moment but now that it's gone, I sit here wondering, "what have I done?" _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #motherhood #pregnancyafterloss #grief #loss #1in4 // Artwork by @Marco.demasi found via @jasoncampbellstudio.

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on May 8, 2017 at 10:47am PDT

@dear_orla shares: "Today I have been feeling a lot of intense emotions as I start to really sort out Orla's things, deciding what is hers and what we will share with her sibling. I have felt overwhelmed with grief, that has exposed a vulnerability that I've been pretty good at denying for a while. I am learning that pregnancy after loss brings new waves of grief, new realisations of what could have been. _ Then I received my photos from my maternity shoot this week. Each one shows my locket, where I carry a curl of Orla's hair, and my belly in which I am carrying our rainbow. Photos so full of love and hope ❤🌈" _ #IHadAMiscarriage #stillbirth #stillborn #motherhood #pregnancyafterloss #grief #loss #rainbowbaby #dearorla #1in160

A post shared by Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Mar 17, 2017 at 2:11pm PDT

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